a blog without purpose

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Life is weird

Life is weird

Everything is weird and everything changes. For example, we moved back to the Bay Area and we both got new jobs. We never thought we would return to the land of terrible traffic and perfect weather. We have moved 5 times in 5 years and […]

“Money is a great servant but a bad master” – Francis Bacon

“Money is a great servant but a bad master” – Francis Bacon

  Editors note: Buckle up ladies, this is gonna be a long one! I enjoy the more basic things in life. Like glitter (or as my husband calls it.. craft AIDS), cheap wine and pumpkin spice lattes. I spend too much money on makeup, clothing, and […]

A Barbie girl in a steel toe world

A Barbie girl in a steel toe world

I consider myself a bit of a fan of makeup and fussy dresses. I prefer to overdress and gravitate heavily towards vintage and pin-up style clothing. I generally don’t leave the house without a full face of makeup complete with winged eyeliner, foundation, contouring, blush, blended eyeshadow, mascara, finishing powder and setting spray. It’s an ordeal. I would happily wet set my hair every night and wear dresses with heels every day.

So naturally, the job I have and love requires me to wear jeans, occasionally a hard-hat and steel toe boots most of the time. At any time I could potentially get called to climb inside a structure that has a better than 50% chance of being covered in literal shit. This is not a conducive environment for wearing cute shoes. I am extremely fortunate to have been raised to adapt to change quickly, and to have an almost suicidal voice in my head that says “HELL Yeah! we can do that! They did it!” even when the rest of my body and brain are screaming “HOLD THE FUCK ON WE ARE NOT CLIMBING UP THERE I DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THIS SAFETY HARNESS!” (It gets pretty loud in my head…)
So even though I can’t wear my pretty clothes and I have to wear ugly shoes, I still shellac my face every morning. It’s the one thing I can do to make myself feel marginally prettier while dressed in what I consider an appalling fashion (for me). Don’t get me wrong, I own like 30 pairs of jeans. I just don’t like to wear them if I can wear something from the pin-up side of my closet.
I am very privileged in that I haven’t experienced many problems with people treating me negatively based on how I look. I work in an extremely male-dominated environment. Most of the time I am one of, or, the only female in the room.

According to most literature, it is not advisable for women to look overly feminine if they want to be taken seriously. I have not found my attire or choice of cosmetics to detract from my effectiveness at work. It probably helps that I am a relatively large human, with an abundance of personality and I’m not accustomed to sitting quietly by while other spew complete fuckery from their face hole.

The responses I get outside of work, from people who do not know me, is varied and highly entertaining. Most people look amused and walk on by. Many women will compliment me on the outfit and others will look downright disgusted like I ate a jar of mayonnaise with a spoon and punched a baby bird in the face. This response always confuses me.


These outfits make me feel awesome( and yes, they are regular clothes, not a costume). We all have a couple of things that are basically a talisman of confidence when we wear them. That is what these outfits do for me, I feel more confident and comfortable in my skin, they make my day better when I feel fat and gross. I wish more women would wear the things that make them feel amazing. Not just on rare special occasions, but all the time. Harness that happiness and confidence and exploit it to your advantage.  

You want to do what to my what??

You want to do what to my what??

Oh hey look at that, it’s 2017. If you are reading this, than you made it. Congrats. I could prattle on and on about how 2016 was a Trumpster Fire and all the horrible shit that has happened, but what would be the point? If […]

Puppy Problems

9 A few months ago we adopted a puppy. A really big, really goofy puppy. Brutus is just over 100 lbs. and a little more than a year and a half old. As far as we can tell he has never had any real training […]

new things and feminism

hmm last time I wrote anything in this blog I was in an RV with my husband and two dogs. Good news we made it home alive and I succumbed to my usual bout of distractions and apathy towards this blog.  Since that time, I have changed jobs, moved to a house in Sacramento, started working on a very large tattoo, adopted a very large very stubborn puppy, lost one of my dogs to old age, started refinishing some furniture (it’s going terribly) and am attempting to re-learn how to roller skate. so there.. you are updated on my life and you don’t even need to stalk my facebook to know this.

But that’s not why I’m updating today. I am updating today because I think I found a place I feel comfortable and it came from a podcast and facebook group of strangers. I recently (today) started listening to The Guilty Feminist and was moved to join their facebook group. This is relatively unusual because I tend to get very irritated with the triviality and nattering of most facebook groups and they quickly get unliked or muted. In this case I am interested in the diverse commentary and ability to make fun of the silly things that we as women do that contradict our feminist ideals. It’s refreshing to see other women who are willing to acknowledge and discuss issues of inequality.

Every intro to a new episode starts with “I am a feminist but,..” I feel this really helps open up discussion of various topics because it exemplifies that everyone is human and no one is coming from a place of judgement. We all do things that are contradictory at times or that make us internally say “No.. oh goddammit why did you do that?”

For example: I am a feminist but, I feel guilty that when I come home from my full time job and make dinner, that the house is not tidy.


I am a feminist but if I am expecting anyone to step foot into my house even for a moment, I will spend two days furiously cleaning and then act as though it’s always like this and apologize for the dust even though I know there isn’t any.

EVERY TIME I think this my rational brain reminds me that this is insane and that no one expects this of me except my mother.  (even she admits this would be difficult) My husband is an unapologetic feminist and I am a very lucky woman, his only expectations of me are that I love him with as much ferocity as he loves me.  I can do that.

I have a theory that my diagnosis of ADHD and the lack of treatment I got is part of the reason I am as empowered as I am. I simply didn’t pay enough attention to what other people were saying or thought of me. It’s hard to tell someone they aren’t allowed to be included if they aren’t listening to you in the first place.


A note on showering.

We made it to Voodoo Doughnut, I have already had my Capitan Crunch doughnut so all is right in the world. The Bear has been baptized in the confectionary goodness of the Voodoo church. He has seen the light and is a complete convert. The […]

Day 5 and 6ish..

Yesterday we drove out to Thor’s Well and Devils Churn just outside of Florence Oregon. It was really beautiful even with the wind blowing and rain. We hiked around for a couple miles on the nicely paved trails. The bear and I were laughing at […]

Day 4 Walmart and Driving

Today started with an impressive display of lazy ass Elk hanging out at next to the Little Red School house at the RV site. On our way out one of the regulars at the RV park engaged us in conversation and I witnesses something I’ve never seen before, Coco barking at a stranger. Based on this response we are convinced he was probably an axe murderer.  We packed up and headed into one of the larger towns for a mediocre breakfast.

We needed to stop at the super Walmart because it turns out that the sewage tanks fill up quickly and need to have special poo dissolving chemicals added to them every time you empty the tank. I am not involved in this process, if you want to know more about it ask the Bear. I’ve always heard the best time to go to Walmart for people watching was late at night. It was midday on a Tuesday and this place was like an episode of national geographic. Sleep pants, fully visible bras, and shoeless children were the order of the day. They all seemed nice enough but you could supply the People Of Walmart website for a month at this location alone in a single day. We collected our goods and an unhealthy amount of impulse snacks and hit the road. (I’ll let you know my thoughts on the Lays Biscuits and Gravy chips after I gather enough courage to try them.)

We drove through the rest of California and into the middle of coastal Oregon today. We saw more Elk along the way, as well as some deer and spoiled cows. The beaches changed a little at first from open coves with sandy beaches to sheer rock faces that drop off directly into the ocean from dense forrest. There are a ton of little logging towns and some have cranberry bogs. It took us a while to figure out what the hell those were along the way. We didn’t stop for lunch or go on any hikes, but we did stop along the side of the road to take pictures of some of the coast. It was freezing cold, windy, and rainy. We love it.

The driving can get stressful because the roads here have a lot of rock slide areas and rough spots. I’m much more comfortable driving the RV then when we started but it’s still an unfamiliar vehicle that is basically a giant blind spot that doesn’t break real well and depending on the grade of the road will not accelerate past 60 mph because the pedal is on the floor. If you are not aware of this, I am the only driver on this trip. It takes a lot of concentration and energy to spend a day driving a weird vehicle that handles awkwardly and has the turning radius of a freaking ship. By the time we arrived at our next lodging location I was very tired and getting hangry. I don’t have much patience for shit when I’m hungry. And of course I have to back this big bitch into the camp site, at night in the rain. I am fortunate that my husband knows the drill when I turn into a food harpy. I ended up making hamburgers on the stove because the rain cancelled our steak cooking plans. Turns out we didn’t bring any condiments. We don’t even had catsup. The Bear failed to see why eating only meat on bread was a problem. This is how he eats all of his hamburgers. I still hadn’t eaten and my crazy was ratcheting up to 11. To clarify, I don’t yell, I don’t even raise my voice, but I do get Forrest Whitaker eye and my blood starts to boil. Luckily it all turned out lovely and we ate food and the demon within went away.

Not very exciting I know, but tomorrow we see the Dunes and Thor’s Well which will be amazing.

Day 3. Enormous Flora and angry Fauna

Today felt like vacation. We slept in, Coco only woke us up twice in the middle of the night to be let out. I moseyed on over to the fence line to check out the Elk that hang out in the back meadow. They were […]