• Category Archives pets
  • Puppy Problems


    A few months ago we adopted a puppy. A really big, really goofy puppy. Brutus is just over 100 lbs. and a little more than a year and a half old. As far as we can tell he has never had any real training on how not to be an idiot. We are working on this.

    The first time I saw Brutus he was cowering in the corner of his kennel at the city shelter that I happened to be visiting for work. I specifically told my boss NOT to take me to the shelter because I prefer dogs to humans and I have self control issues. So a week later, while at a food truck festival I lured the Bear into a bacon induced coma and asked if we could visit the shelter. He grunted in a way that I chose to interpret as a consent. We were informed that the particular dog, who’s paperwork I just so happened to have taken a picture of last time, was across town at a pet store adoption center. It was ONLY 15 min away… and we REALLY didn’t have anything else to do that day, so if we wanted.. we could just stop over and meet him.

    They put us in a small back room where the Bear now is roused to full consciousness is grumbling about me, life, dogs, and the narcotic effects of bacon.  The volunteer strolls in with a very large, timid and skeletal puppy. She explained that he is part Great Dane and other stuff. At this point I have already melted to the floor and am trying to let him get use to me. The Bear has stopped grumbling but does seem to be repeating something about this being a huge freaking dog. He joins us on the floor. As if on cue Brutus puts his head in his lap and earned himself a family. It turns out, that it is incredibly difficult to say no to providing a home to a dog who has laid their giant head in your lap.

    Now, according to the volunteer, this dog doesn’t bark, doesn’t pull on his leash, is completely apathetic of other animals and just wants some humans to love. We came to find out that only one of these things were correct.

    When he arrived home he quickly learned some important lessons of our household.

    1. You are not the boss. Mommy is the boss.
    2. Leave the little fluffy one alone. He is old, senile and will cut you.(R.I.P. Mango we miss you)
    3. The fat short one thinks all the toys belong to her.
    4. The Vacuum is scary.
    5. There is a household budget line for dog toys.
    6. You are only allowed on the furniture if the humans aren’t home.

    We also learned a few things from Brutus

    1. The Vacuum can only be defeated by peeing on it first.
    2. The deliciousness level of a shoe is directly proportional to it’s value
    3. The best time to play “lets wrestle with my teeth” is between 1 and 3 am
    4. When mommy leaves for work, the world is fucking ending.
    5. Anything can be accomplished with the liberal application of hot dogs.
    6. Tall dogs can open doors when they want.
    7. Other dogs are the scariest thing on the planet and must be killed.

    It was that last one that resulted in us paying a professional to train us on how not to be idiot dog owners. Fortunately we have been successful in teaching him some better habits and in training ourselves that when he does something stupid is 100% our fault.

    He has been a fantastic addition to our little furry family. Coco seems to enjoy his boundless energy up until the point she no longer wants to deal with his shit. They with each other and have established some good boundaries without conflict. This is a real change from when Mango was still alive and we had to break up bloody dog fights almost weekly. Mango was a broken soul and we loved his angry little ass.



  • Day 5 and 6ish..

    Yesterday we drove out to Thor’s Well and Devils Churn just outside of Florence Oregon. It was really beautiful even with the wind blowing and rain. We hiked around for a couple miles on the nicely paved trails. The bear and I were laughing at our complementary differences. I force him out of his comfort zone by taking him on adventures and doing things he is reasonable certain are going to get us killed. He forces me out of my comfort zone by making me act responsibly and saying No to anything especially crazy or expensive. It works forsean us. This is well exemplified in these pictures. The picture on the left was taken by the bear from three levels up the hiking trail over view. This was a very safe location with limited to no chance of a sneaker wave blasting in and washing him away.


    The picture to the right was taken near the mouth of Devils Churn on the rocks. This isn’t one of those things were you see tourists acting like idiots going into areas they shouldn’t. They have stairs and signs saying that it’s ok to go down there to fish and check out the tide pools. In my mind this means it’s a comfortable level of safe.

    The dogs were not interested in hanging out in the rain so they got to nap in the warmth of the RV.

    When we got back from the hike and started the RV some alarms went off for the CO and Propane monitor. We figured this was due to idling in one spot for a few min. We reset it, aired out the cabin and headed back to town for lunch.

    I’m a firm believer that being on the coast means you should stuff your face with as much local seafood as you can manage. That is exactly what I did at lunch. 6 raw Washington Oysters, 6 BBQ oysters to start, a very nice bottle of wine we didn’t finish and ended up taking the rest back with us, I had a really well done cioppino with all kinds of sea creatures in it, the Bear had some bread with garlic, pesto and garlic butter, fish and chips sampler basket he said was very good and we finished the meal with a Marion Berry cobbler that was very good but not actually a cobbler. By the time we finished gorging ourselves we could barely walk. This is why there wasn’t a post yesterday. I was too full to type.

    Hiking no longer sounded like an awesome plan and naps moved their way to the top of the list. It was pouring down rain which really made it an easy choice. By the time we got parked, plugged in, situated and in ready for a nap we were exhausted. It only took about an hour to realize that the sheets seemed a little more damp than was reasonable to expect in such a humid climate. About 20 min after that we realized they were totally soaked and the back wall of the camper was streaming down water. There wasn’t much we could do so we grabbed towels to help protect the sheets, (this was useless by the way). We did’t bring a tarp or anything to throw over the top and it doesn’t have a ladder. It was a moist evening in the least fun sense of the word. We skipped dinner. At 10pm I was still full but no longer wanted to die. The alarm went off a couple more times so we turned the propane off aired out and assumed that it was the result of fart build up in the cabin. obviously from the dogs…. yes.. clearly the dog farts. Some time around 4 a.m that propane CO alarm went off, causing the bear to jump about 2 feet off the bed from the prone position while screaming something in what had to be his mother tongue of a past life. My heart just stopped beating for a couple of seconds while I assumed we were all going to die of carbon monoxide poisoning in our sleep. We called the service people, turns out sensors will go off if you stand to close to them and were extremely laid back about the whole alarms that make sure you don’t die in your sleep acting up. They told us they would get us a appointment at a repair shop in Eugene in the morning. We did manage to fall back asleep after all of the alarms. It wasn’t the early start we had planned. And of course the black water tank was reading full even after getting flushed multiple times. So we busted out the renters manual for the 10000 time this trips and tried to trouble shoot that little conundrum. download

    So we headed over to Eugene this morning on some little two lane back country road you can barely see on google maps. We are actually at the RV repair place as I write this and the amazing repair guy, (no joke his name is Kevin Smith) just pulled the sensor out and replaced it with a new one. The old one was completely full of water. We have no idea how that is even possible. He also found the source of the leaks, some huge ass crack in the roof of the RV. He just hit the roof and yelled bad monkey. He’s kind of amazing. If we ever get out of here, we are going to check out the city and get some Voodoo Doughnuts.


  • Day 3. Enormous Flora and angry Fauna

    Today felt like vacation. We slept in, Coco only woke us up twice in the middle of the night to be let out. I moseyed on over to the fence line to check out the Elk that hang out in the back meadow. They were all kinds of elegant just sitting around chewing and head butting each other. 20160201_084631I’m pretty sure the two males were just play fighting. Or they really weren’t feeling the violence today because they were just going through the motions. Who knew Elk could get the Mondays?

    I managed my first RV shower. Fun fact, the water heater only holds 6 gallons of water and takes 30 min to heat up. I have learned the importance of turning the water off during any lathering process. My head actually hits the ceiling so it made hair washing a unique and bendy challenge. But I got clean and that was the only goal so therefore it was a success.

    At some point, I realized that we never really stopped to get groceries in the last two days and the food we did bring is running low. I consider this a badge of honor. Normally I would prepare more food than a football team could consume in a week. Bacon, Hawaiian rolls and some protein bars make for a very filling breakfast.

    We tried to find a grocery store in the Town of Orick (human population 650, Cow populations 1000) to stock up on some supplies. We ended up with Oreo’s, french toast sticks, cheese and firewood. It was more of a general store / cess pool of questionable breeding practices. I decided to forgo their offerings of ground meat products. You would need to prove to me it was cow and not ground tourist.

    We headed over to Stone Lagoon Beach and let the idiots frolic in the sand and surf. It was delightful and remarkable that we were alone on most of that beach.12670128_10103608828580485_6815378197488691941_n It is really lovely to travel on the off season. You get to see so many things and share that moment with your loved one without the 9 members of the Clampett family swilling beer and getting into domestic disputes while spoiling your view. It’s weird coming from such a tourist driven state that fills every beach and beach town to the brim with t-shirt shops and sketchy tattoo parlors, to see miles and miles of breath taking coast line that is populated by a herd of very smug milk cows.

    We cut the beach trip short after Mango got too excited and his hind legs kinda gave out a little. He’s pushing 13 and we think he has some nerve damage so this isn’t completely unexpected. I had to carry his fat ass all the way back to the RV. He seemed to enjoy that portion of the walk almost as much.

    We decided to take the Newton B. Drury Scenic Parkway through the Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park. We kept expecting Little Foot to step out from behind a tree and ask if we have seen the Star Leaf. The Redwoods could only be described as august. I was only slightly disappointed to not find any Ewok tree houses in the canopy. We did get to see the Big Tree and it was. It seems it isn’t actually the largest nor the oldest tree in the park. 20160201_151841It’s just the only one that they will tell you the location of. It makes me sad that my fellow humans are such shit balls that the parks have to keep these beautiful giants a secret to keep them safe. How can anyone look at one of these behemoths and do anything but stare in awe and silent wonder at their eminence? This tree is estimated to be over 1500 years old it has endured more than we can conceive and some asshat will probably try an kill it some day.

    On our drive back we stopped at a turn off that is a well know Elk hangout. When we stopped the first time, there were maybe 15 just hanging out at the far edge of the field eating grass and waiting to be photographed. This time there were probably 50 and they were almost standing in the parking lot. I guess when your smallest female is over 500 lbs you don’t have a lot to fear. They mostly looked annoyed that we were only using camera phones to document their splendor. I felt the need to apologize and explain that the RV was a rental and we are in fact poor. They weren’t impressed.

    20160201_161824We came back to the camp site early so we could relax before we spend much of tomorrow driving up to Oregon. In my infinite wisdom I decided to build a camp fire. I was convinced this was going to be some next level romantic shit. Turns out.. that even with a fire starter mini log and some firewood, you really only get a single smoldering flame and a lot of smoke. It was easily the saddest camp fire in the history of camp fires. The Bear was a good sport and lovingly froze his ass off to humor me while I made hot chocolate and then dinner. I took pity on him when his lips started to turn blue and brought him his winter coat to replace the insufficient hoodie he had on. We gave up once it got dark, so I dumped a gallon of water on the fire and retreated inside admitting defeat against the frosty air.

    I am considering a second attempt at sleeping in the bigger bed above the driver’s seat. Now that we have the heater fixed I’m not nearly as likely to freeze to death. The only reason for 20160201_152950the change is that any time the bear gets up to take out the dogs or do anything I have to pull myself into a tight fetal position to avoid having him drop kick my legs on his way out of bed. This is not an ideal way to wake up in the middle of the night. The only other drawback about this move, other than the loss of my in bed human powered heating system, is that in order for me to make one of my many midnight bathroom trips, I would need to climb down onto a bench and then to the floor and back to the bathroom. I am not well coordinated in the middle of the day fully awake, caffeinated and alert. I am down right bumbling when I am half asleep. I also get the added obstacle of sleeping dogs laying in the middle of the walk way. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow if my next post is written from the ER.

  • Day 2 and some pictures.

    We had a couple entertaining disasters last night after I finished my post. To start, we found out at a very inopportune time that one of the fuses was blown and of course that fuse was connected to the heater. The low temperature last night was 30 degrees.  It only took about 20 min for me to abandon my spacious bunk bed of solitude for the warmth of the bear den. I was smart enough to bring my down comforter with me. Ladies, have you ever tried to go pee in the middle of the night while wearing a onesie when the room is hovering dangerously close to freezing your tits off? Pro tip: wear a sweater UNDER the onesie, that way when you have to take off the top part to access your bottom parts you aren’t forced to expose your lovely lady lumps to frigid cold. Also… check your fuses before you leave the rental place. The dogs were convinced this whole experience was bullshit and way too damn cold but figured out very quickly how to get us to take them outside in the middle of the night. This seemed to make us all even.

    This morning was lovely. I woke up early and took the idiots out for a walk so they could sniff things and then pee on them. We saw some cows on the hill behind the camp ground. We also saw some suspiciously huge bunny rabbits. Well, I saw the bunny rabbits. The hunting dog saw nothing and tried to eat a rock…. she’s really pretty…

    After dragging them back to the RV I decided to start breakfast only to watch Mango slide on the laminate flooring, down the steps and fall out the door and onto the ground outside. It scared the hell out of all species involved. He was fine but I think his pride took a hit. He curled up in his bed and has been extra snappy at Coco all day.

    We eventually packed up and headed out to Fort Bragg to see the Glass Beaches. If you haven’t had the honor of driving on 20, I suggest you do so while driving something sporty that hugs the road. Not something hulking that looks like a shoebox. The whole route is curves and hairpin turns looking over hundred foot drop offs. It was awesome and more than a little terrifying. I have a  lot of love for the people who invented and built turn-outs on that road. If they weren’t so frequent we wScreenshot_2016-01-31-10-20-16ould have been murdered by a mod of angry drivers stuck behind our slow ass.


    We finally made it into Fort Bragg and over to the beach which happens to be very dog friendly. The views were spectacular.20160131_123103 If you  are unfamiliar with glass beach, it used to be a dump. They would shove trash over the cliffs and into the ocean. All of the old glass from apothecary bottles, old car windshields and tail lights was broken up and ground smooth by time, sand and water. They eventually started to show up on the beaches. Turns out people like to find interesting things on the beach. They have since stopped dumping old cars and trash into the ocean, so the glass isn’t as abundant as it once was. 20160131_121718People also tend to take it with them as a souvenir even though there are signs all over telling you to leave that shit on the beach so people will keep visiting them. You can’t tell from the pictures we took but the wind was insanely cold. Low tide is the best time to see the glass and tide pools. The dogs were stoked to smell new rocks and mango found out that running in sand is his new favorite hobby.


    We opted to save money and just eat bologna sandwiches in the RV before heading out after a quick stop at the part store to buy a replacement fuse to avoid freezing to death tonight. We took Ca State route 1 up to Eureka, this was also full of bullshit twists and turns but it has to be one of the most beautiful drives in the US. You see everything from breathtaking views of waves crashing on cliffs, to enormous Redwood trees that are hundreds of years old, to beautiful mountains with sparkling rivers. And of course there are tacky road side attractions like Confusion Hill, which looks like something that will be featured in next season American Horror stories and the One Log Cabin home.


    You are also very likely to witness the various local wildlife in their natural and undisturbed environment. We drove around one corner and noticed two huge Elk on a hill eating some grass minding their own business. It took me a minute to realize these were not Elk that some farmer is keeping at a pet, these were wild Elk and they wanted to know why we stopped in the middle of the road to stare at them and take pictures.

    20160131_143207(1)They were freaking majestic. Both had enormous antlers. It really only made us more excited to get to the RV resort place we are staying at tonight. It’s known for the huge Elk population that visits their meadows daily. They have signs all over the place telling you not to act like an idiot around the 700 pound animal with spears attached to its head. They have a tendency to charge. I’m pretty freaking excited about waking up tomorrow, I hope we don’t miss them.


    That’s about all I can say about day two of this awesome adventure trip. It was a lot of driving through some very scary beautiful areas. The heater is working, the dogs are asleep, there are about 100 noisy frogs outside trying to lull me asleep so it’s time for bed. Tomorrow we venture into some of the state and national parks for more 20160131_134928communing with nature. Fingers crossed Coco doesn’t try to make friends with a bear, and Mango doesn’t try to hump an Elk.

  • Day 1

    A few months ago the Bear and I decided to plan an elaborate RV trip up the coast of Northern California and into Oregon. We had visions of seeing Crater Lake and Thor’s Well with a stop over to Portland before heading home. Fortunately reality provided us with a healthy knock up the head. Crater Lake is wisely closed this time of year, with all the snow and what not. I’m 100% sure that I do not want to drive an RV through anything worse than a light drizzle. The other reality of life that came into play is that we have been insanely busy never got around to really making any plans beyond asking for the time off from work and renting the RV. This is probably a good thing; it means that we don’t actually have to be anywhere or do anything unless it sounds good at that moment. Most vacations that involve a lot of time frames and reservations can be stressful. There are all of these expectations to do things so you are constantly rushing to the next activity. We focus on trying to squeeze as much fun as possible from every excursion that we tend not to appreciate the experience and ambiance in the moment. (this is a really nice way of saying we are slackers and are ok with it). I started packing a few days in advance to make sure we had anything we might need (and to prevent me from stressing out, losing my mind and dissolving into tears the night before our trip).

    We were fortunate to have found a site (https://www.campanda.com/)  that rents out all the left over RV’s from Cruise America and other places for really cheap. I  think we are paying $30ish a night plus milage. The whole rental will end up costing us less than what it costs to board our two idiot dogs for 5 nights.

    We picked up our 25 ft RV this afternoon, she has been dubbed Eagle 5 in honor of the Spaceballs Winnebago. I’m pretty sure that makes me Lone Star and the S is now Barf. I’m ok with this. He is less enthused. My original plan was to drive all the way up to Redwood National Forrest in one day. Sooo that didn’t happen. We didn’t leave until 4pm. The Bear (Barf) made reservations last night for us to stay at a KOA an hour outside of Fort Bragg. This is why he is the copilot, he thinks ahead. We managed to get all of our crap put away into the various cubby holes and weirdly sized storage spaces. We made the beds (yes plural, there is no way in hell our two huge asses are going to fit into that bed comfortably) and finally we grabbed the dogs, threw them in the RV and hit the road. I have never been more grateful that my father taught me how to drive on an E class van. This thing is a beast to drive.

    I learned something interesting about humanity while driving this monstrosity. There are some people who see an RV that is covered in Cruise America stickers and think “fuck that slow person, I’m going to cut them off because I am an asshole.”

    The other type, the smarter breed.. see an RV covered in Cruise america sticker and think “Holy fucking shit, they gave some idiot the keys to that enormous vehicle…. and they have absolutely no fucking clue what they are doing..” These are wise people. They give you a wide berth, they don’t crowd you. They know that there isn’t a drivers test to rent this thing. They know the rental company only requires you to sign the insurance and then hands you the keys.

    The dogs are 100% convinced we are going to die in the magical moving box of death. If you don’t know this already, our dogs hate each other. We breakup fights at couple times a month. They aren’t affectionate with each other, they don’t really play together and they certainly do not snuggle. that is.. until today. We set up one of the dog beds in between the driver’s seat and the passenger’s seat. The bed was perfectly sized for mango to curl up on the floor. It turns out it was also perfectly sized for Coco to back her ass right into him forcing him to spoon her. Amazingly the evil little beast let her do it. That is how we knew they were a bit stressed by the experience. They have since calmed down and realized that everything is not horrible forever. They are extremely excited about all the new things to smell and pee on.

    We eventually made it to the KAO at about 8pm, we found our spot and parked. Fun fact if you ever decide to rent an RV, get a freaking pull thru stop if you can. Backing this bitch into a spot at night is not enjoyable. Fortunately the spots are REALLY wide and I’m kind of amazing at driving this thing (by amazing I mean we are still alive and nothing was hit). S got everything hooked up using lots of cords and stuff.  I made dinner in the smallest kitchen on the planet (Yay pesto tortellini in vodka sauce!). We also figured out how to block out all the widows with the nifty privacy blinds, this is a nice feature because no one needs to see what I look like when I wake up in the morning.

    Tomorrow we are thinking of heading over to the glass beaches near Fort Bragg and then up to Redwood National Forrest.

  • what is.. winter?

    As a native Floridian I have no real concept of winter. Winter is that thing you see in pictures and in movies and go visit on trips, maybe. I was under the impression that California would be somewhat similar in weather patterns to Florida, with spurts of cold here and there but always reverting back to balmy weather in the end. NOOOPE. It’s cold. Not the ass clenching, mind numbing level of cold the great snowy North East and North West.  But cold enough to warrant jackets, sweaters, scarves and gloves a necessity not a fashion suggestion.

    As I have mentioned before, the new Bear Den apartment, did not come equip with air conditioning. It did come with heat! I have never in my life had to turn on the heat in an apartment. So when we started having to close all the doors and windows and burrow under 6 blankets to keep warm at night, I realized maybe it was time to give that random nob on the wall a spin. It seems, we did not account for the fact that it probably hasn’t been turned on in 10 months. And that dust is a thing… About four seconds after we cranked the nob over to toasty town, the smoke detectors started to go off.

    Que the panic.

    I work in the safety field. I have been conditioned over the last three years to associate the sound of fire alarms with evacuations, fire departments and lots of paper work and follow up meetings. I was fairly convinced we were about to reduce the apartment complex to a pile of angry holiday cinders. Not the best way to introduce yourself to your neighbors.  We turned the heat off, opened the windows (letting more cold air in) and covered the smoke alarms until the apartment no longer looked the inside of Willy Nelson’s tour bus. I refused to touch the heat again. Our apartment was slowly turning into a Drafty  tundra wasteland that is inhabited by a strange race of blanket people. Thankfully, the Bear is braver and smarter than I am. He slowly burned off all of the dust while I was at work one day.  Hypothermia is no longer a concern while sleeping! Nor, is waking to a conflagration of dog fur and sadness.

    In other news, I was forced to put away all of my Halloween and fall harvest decorations for another year. I had to replace it with the Yule vomit of Christmas trees and Santa hats.  I remember having more stuff but I guess a lot of it didn’t make the trip. So I will now have to put pants on and go fight the hordes of angry holiday shoppers to go get more sparkly crap to decorate our den. I am prepared to FA LA LA LAFUCK YOU UP for a discount because paying full price for Styrofoam and glitter is crazy talk.

    This will be Coconut’s (a.k.a the stupid cute dog) first Christmas with us. And judging by how she is eyeing the tree, I am going to say her first Christmas ever. Hopefully she doesn’t consider the tree and light up toy like Angel on top a challenge worth accepting. I am pretty sure she watched us decorate the house  and was convinced that we just strategically placed toys and things to chew on and destroy all over the house. I have caught her twice trying to snuffle and chew her stocking. I have no idea how she knows that one is her’s, but she is hell bend on destroying it. This would be amusing if it wasn’t attached to the liquor cabinet. Or as like to call it “the gateway to holiday cheer!”.

  • Humping Poop Machines

    A few weeks after we got married, my husband and I adopted an 8 year old corgi. They are basically the spokes dogs of the interwebs. And have entire sites like this.. http://corgiaddict.com/ dedicated to them.

    Looking into their little fox faces and watching them scurry around 4 inches off the ground, you would think they are all balls of fluffy snuggles.  That little smile they give you? Those deep soulful brown eyes?

    I am the Noah Wyle of dog breeds.


    They are a dirty, viscous, lie.

    That little fur ball smiling at you with his dapper gentlemen’s tie, is one of the most moody disgruntled little assholes you have ever met. He hates EVERYONE.

    I love him to pieces.

    It was weeks before we could pet him more than three times, without fear of pulling back a bloody stump instead of a hand.

    He was already incredibly well house and leash trained when we got him. But we suspect that he was abused before we got him. (People who abuse animals should have their finger and toe nails ripped out and their wounds should be injected with gangrene).

    So we gave his space, time and treats. After three months and a talk with a dog “behaviorist” not to be confused with a trainer. (because these  are apparently a real jobs. My career councilor in high school never mentioned this.) He has come around and now snuggles on the regular and is rather demanding about belly rubs. He still growls at some strangers mostly men, other dogs, ducks, and hates children. (good boy)

    He was determined to murder the vet after an uncomfortable experience involving a rubber glove and his butt hole (totally understandable). Mango refused the vets paltry offering of cheese-wiz as a means to make amends.  If you don’t own a dog, allow me to explain: cheese product is basically a bump of dog heroine. They all have the itch and Mango gave him the doggie middle finger.

    A few weeks ago I was perusing the Facebooks and saw a local rescue  http://www.poochesinpines.com was featuring a floppy eared basset hound. After I stopped making a high pitched SQUEALING  noise,  I showed my husband and gave him the sad kitten eyes.  To his credit he tried, valiantly! to resist being pulled into the combined vortex of sad kitten eyes and the hush puppy cuteness on the screen. He sighed and said I could email the rescue and set up an appointment for Mango to meet the rescue pup. (Given Mango’s history of being an dbag, I was not confident they would like each other.)

    Little did I know, that I had been harboring a sexual deviant armed with a red rocket and ready to hump. He seemed to try to lure her into a false sense of security at the first meeting. Only occasionally sniffing her lady garden and reaching over with one paw hoping she wouldn’t notice.

    That courtship was out the window the day we brought Coconut home. There was some initial butt sniffing and ear licking at first. That quickly turned into wrestling and jumping. Keep in mind both of these breeds have legs that cap at about 6 inches long. so when they wrestle with each other its like watching a couple of midget T-rex’s try to a slap fight.

    The wrestling eventually degraded into an all out hump fest for Mango. Unfortunately for him, he has been ball-less for so long, he only gets the idea… but is not sure on the execution or location.

    So he improvised! By humping whatever he can wrap his little fur paws around. It could be her ear, leg, torso, or head. He doesn’t give  a shit. Once the humper starts going, even if she walks away, he is stuck in the humposphere and walks around loving up on air until he calms down.

    Coconut turned out to be the best balance to Mango’s dick head personality. She just wants to play or cuddle. She is completely docile and sweet. Unfortunately she hasn’t totally grasped the concept of not peeing in the house. And if she does something wrong she give you this look:

    I love you. But this carpet will never survive.

    I have learned a few things about life in a two dog house hold. For starters, you don’t go on walks so much as sweep the neighborhood for new smells and stray chicken bones. While simultaneously peeing on everything that may have come in contact with another dog. And may God help keep your arm attached if their is a squirrel within 100 feet of you at any time. 

    Our dogs do not understand the concept of sharing toys. If it’s mine I want it, if it’s yours I want it and will steal it away. If I steal it away I will leave it on the sofa beyond the reach of your tiny legs. If both dogs go after one toy, one will end up in the vets office with a knocked in tooth. And dogs will hold a grudge for up to a week if they get a tooth knocked loose.  (in her defense, he hasn’t figured out her head his bigger than his.)

    Going to the bathroom is now a family event. If the door is closed they will push it open to check on you. “Mommy, whatcha doing? whats that? You smell nice mommy.. mommy! Mommy pet me! MOMMY!!!”

    Thunder buddies are for life!  A lightning storm results in a massive cuddle fest on the sofa with both dogs tucked as closely next to you as they can get.

    Crate training makes my soul hurt and Coconut knows it. Daddy puts her in the crate with barely a whimper. If I put her in the crate and she flops on the ground, rolls over on her back, and plays dead. And then howls and cries so loud I can hear her from my car. (we live on the third floor..) Dogs will guilt trip you better than your Italian Catholic mother. And they will work together for optimal effect.

    There are not enough grocery bags in the world for the amount of dog crap you will pick up on a daily basis. I don’t know whats in dog food, but these dogs poop a hedgehog twice a day. like clock work.

    Dogs are awesome. Adopt one from your local rescue. They need to know what it is to be safe and loved.

    double trouble.
    double trouble.