Life is weird
Everything is weird and everything changes. For example, we moved back to the Bay Area and we both got new jobs. We never thought we would return to the land of terrible traffic and perfect weather. We have moved 5 times in 5 years and each time it’s a roller coaster. On top of all of these personal changes and stressors, the world is a constant eruption of putrid vitriol. I own this website as a creative outlet for my humor and it gives me a space to spew nonsense to anyone who stumbles across it or already knows me. But due to the fact that we are living through the universes dumbest timeline, I don’t have it in me to make jokes or tell silly stories. So the time between posts continues to stretch and my ability to find humor in everyday experiences begins to wain. The fatigue has settled in. For self-preservation, I have started limiting the times I access news sites, political/current event podcasts and Twitter. And if you post crazy shit on facebook, I probably muted you. I have a finite quantity of emotional resources to expend before I internalize and shut down.
To counter this constant barrage of racism and xenophobia, we try to make our own corner of the world as beautiful as possible. We use this to ourselves distract from the ugliness for a short time. We have been working in our garden or fixing up our rental every weekend since we moved in and we still have more to do. Our backyard is an excellent expression of an unmedicated brain with ADHD. We have too many tomatoes, peppers, and strawberries. Not enough beans and few random vines of fruits and veggies. Our dogs and plants are our surrogate children. The fruit trees belong to the Bear. The roses, decorative flowers, and vegetables are mine. We share responsibility for the herbs. We don’t have a drip system set up so it forces us to water almost every day after work. It’s the best part of our day. It has become the reminder that there is beauty in the world around us and requires us to detach from the digital hellscape.
I can’t express how important it is for me to have this as an outlet. In current times, I don’t feel like I have enough juice to be creative right now, but I can go dig in the dirt, or paint a wall, with single-minded focus. It’s a cathartic check mark on a To Do list that provides instantaneous gratification.
I’m sure many people will roll their eyes at the concept of self-care. But that shit is important and you should do it. Find a thing that makes you happy and gives you a moment to breathe. Something that grounds you.