a blog without purpose

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Day 1

A few months ago the Bear and I decided to plan an elaborate RV trip up the coast of Northern California and into Oregon. We had visions of seeing Crater Lake and Thor’s Well with a stop over to Portland before heading home. Fortunately reality […]

but that’s none of my business.

Everything on the interwebs is always in extremes. You must hate this, we must stop that, we have to stand up for/against this. The problem with being moderate is that I disagree with all or part of almost everything. My parents are Very conservative, my […]

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I’m done being an adult today.

Here is something funny I have learned about myself: I’m not great at processing fear or anxiety in a reasonable way. If something scares me or causes internal turmoil, I don’t cry, I don’t yell or get angry. I shut down, put on pajamas and […]

Who are you calling a princess?

Lately it seems that if you want something to go viral make it a Disney princess mashup. Like most american girls, I was brought up watching Disney movies. I had every princess movie, I played dress up and make-believe.  I went to Disney World several times […]

The Real Golden Rule.

As supercilious as I am concerning how people dress and act, I am surprisingly open minded and nonjudgmental concerning how people choose to live their lives. For the most part I believe if you aren’t hurting anyone or yourself  you should do whatever you want. I am a firm believer that you can reduce morality down to one simple rule: Don’t be a dick.

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Don’t be a dick to other, and don’t be a dick to yourself. It’s simple.

Unfortunately, there are people who feel they are morally obligated to force their beliefs onto others. This is where we start to cross into the danger zone of becoming a Dick With Good Intentions. If you feel that it is necessary to force someone to do something against their will or to deny someone from basic right because you are worried about an esoteric essence  inside them, you have fallen down the slippery slope  and become a DWGI.

This weekend I watched my best friend from childhood marry her perfect mate. It was the most touching and beautiful wedding I have ever witnessed. I have been to a GAZILLION FREAKING WEDDINGS. This one takes the cake (wedding pun For the Win). You may ask why this one was so special. It was special because it was a wedding between two beautiful women in love, surrounded by their family and friends. These are two intelligent and loving people who want nothing more than to share their life together and build a family.

As a result of my love of their love, It absolutely pisses me the hell off that there are people who work to deny others the right to be recognized as a married couple. What kind of asshole tells someone else, “No, you can’t marry that person you love because it confuses my neither bits in the NO NO Zone and I don’t like that.” I can not even imagine how heart broken, distraught, and filled with spine breaking RAGE, I would be if someone told me that I could not marry my husband. It is cruel and unnecessary. No one should be able to tell anyone else they can’t marry the person they love. If you don’t want a homosexual marriage, then don’t marry a homosexual. Let them marry each other, everyone is happier that way.

Inequality deeply frustrates me. I feel empathetically for those who are being denied freedom to do what they want. This is possibly because I am the worst person at taking orders. To the degree that I can’t join group teams or classes because I don’t like being told to show up places routinely at a certain time. If you aren’t paying me, you don’t get to tell me when and where to show up. I do what I want.

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Oddly enough given how opinionated, stubborn and independent I am, I have had several men act shocked when I said something about being a feminist. They usually say something along the lines of “You’re not a feminist, you’re too laid back to be like that and you make jokes…” They earn the eyebrow of sarcasm and scorn for this. I took feminism classes in college and argued with a variety of women on a vast array of topics that some see as un-feminist, but really they are just different schools of thought from different groups of feminists. It’s a shame that so many people (male AND female) seem to think that feminism means you hate men and wish to police all that they do and say; searching from some perceived misogynistic oppression. That is a big bag of NOPE. Sorry, not how it works. Answer this: Do you think women should be paid as much as men for the same exact work? Do you think that women should be allowed to have the exact same rights as men? If you answer yes: Boom feminist. Simple. As a feminist I feel compelled to fight for everyones right to equality and freedom even if it doesn’t directly effect me. Again it boils down to this: Don’t be a Dick. AND DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

 

Roaming in Wyoming

I was in Wyoming for work last week. Before I get started with my review of this experience, I feel that I need to air out my misconceptions concerning this state. This will give you a better understanding of my response to the experience. What […]

“10 things all _______ should stop/start doing right now!”

I imagine we have all seen articles that definitively state a number of things we should start or stop doing right this minute, or things we MUST try before we die or places you MUST see before you’re __ years old. I hate this trend […]

Blue Skies

We recently moved to a new apartment and it doesn’t Suck! So far, no one has been arrested or had their doors kicked in by armed federal agents! This is a 100% improvement from the first day at our last place. Based on that alone it’s a superior living situation. Our old neighbors were the standard apartment neighbors that greet you as you pass but other than that you try not to make eye contact or conversation. We had 2 bed 1 bath with a total of three windows and no air conditioning or air flow. (the bear throws off about a million jules of heat at night. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sleep with a snoring furnace next to you?) God, I hated that freaking apartment. All of it. From the beige carpet, to the windowless kitchen, to the soul sucking feeling that permeated every inch of the property. (these are first world problems).

When they told us the rent was going to go up if we wanted to renew our lease, we decided that it was time to find someplace new. I had two requirements: air conditioning and a second bathroom.  If there is anything worse than trying to sleep when you are hot, it’s needing to pee REALLY BADLY when someone is taking a poop.

The Bear found the new place and we were able to take a tour about 2 days before we were expected to sign the lease and move in. They have the complex set up so that the balconies face each other with a courtyard area in between. There are some big ass Red Wood trees hanging around that give the place an awesome FernGully feel. I love it.

We eventually got most of our crap packed, and signed our lease, only to have U-Haul cancel our truck and not get us a replacement until almost 5 at night. Around 8pm, after a shitty day dealing with the trucks and getting it loaded, we roll up to the new place exhausted and irritable and still need to take all of the heavy furniture up the stairs to the new place. I was robustly questioning my strength and endurance. When out of the shadows rides a suburban knight in shining basketball shorts, a neighbor asks if we want some help. Being the cynics we are we say “yes” but expect him to not come back. Except he did come back. And he actually helped. He helped so much I barely had to carry any of the awkward furniture. Helped us for like two hours. So we gave him pizza and got to know our first neighbor.

At this point we figured he was a One Off because we learned that at one point in his life he was studying to be an ordained Jesuit priest and he currently works at a non-profit that helps people with mental illnesses. Basically, he’s a Saint.

This belief lasted until the first morning we woke up and took the two idiot dogs down to the fairy courtyard to pee. And we met our neighbor who walks her Cat. She happily introduced herself and her cat. She remembers our names and our dogs names. She says hi every time we see her. We also met the neighbor across from us, the neighbor below us, the neighbors next to us and the neighbors from the corner building. They talk to each other. Often. They know each others names. They have actual conversations. With. Each. Other. Doors are left open. Balconies are social areas of gathering, and IT’S THE WEIRDEST THING WE HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. But, it’s a nice weird. I am slowly learning to tone down my bitch face. Strangers rarely flinch when I make eye contact these days.

Yesterday we finally finished unpacking and decorating and I think it looks great. It’s a good balance of our personalities. I look forward to inviting people over for games and food. At our last place, the apartment never felt clean or finished. I never wanted to invite people over because I hated being there. I didn’t cook often and chores would sit for weeks undone.

Its amazing how a few adjustments in your life can so drastically change your whole outlook. 6 months ago, I was in a miserable job that I hated, an apartment I couldn’t stand to be in, and I was feeling pretty shitty about my future.  So, I found a new job that I love. like, I really love it. As in, I look forward to going to work every single day. We got a new apartment, that I also love. I could happily see us staying in for more than a year.

I’ve even started doing stuff I enjoy again. I started swimming and my awesome company is sponsoring me to swim a mile in a fundraiser for a local Women’s Cancer Resource center. If you would like to help, you can donate here: http://www.wcrc.org/swim/profiles/swimmer/id/2169

The last month has been a world wind of change. and I couldn’t be happier with how things are going right now. I am glad that I was able to grit my teeth and get through the shitty time in order to fully enjoy and appreciate all that I have right now.

“Preder et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim.” Ovid

Be patient and strong; someday this pain will be useful to you. 

ZFG

I remember getting embarrassed about EVERYTHING as an adolescent. I couldn’t even walk past the bra section in a store with out turning 10 kinds of red. (Fortunately I was flat as a sheet of paper until college.) I was obsessed with what people thought […]