• Tag Archives feminism
  • new things and feminism

    hmm last time I wrote anything in this blog I was in an RV with my husband and two dogs. Good news we made it home alive and I succumbed to my usual bout of distractions and apathy towards this blog.  Since that time, I have changed jobs, moved to a house in Sacramento, started working on a very large tattoo, adopted a very large very stubborn puppy, lost one of my dogs to old age, started refinishing some furniture (it’s going terribly) and am attempting to re-learn how to roller skate. so there.. you are updated on my life and you don’t even need to stalk my facebook to know this.

    But that’s not why I’m updating today. I am updating today because I think I found a place I feel comfortable and it came from a podcast and facebook group of strangers. I recently (today) started listening to The Guilty Feminist and was moved to join their facebook group. This is relatively unusual because I tend to get very irritated with the triviality and nattering of most facebook groups and they quickly get unliked or muted. In this case I am interested in the diverse commentary and ability to make fun of the silly things that we as women do that contradict our feminist ideals. It’s refreshing to see other women who are willing to acknowledge and discuss issues of inequality.

    Every intro to a new episode starts with “I am a feminist but,..” I feel this really helps open up discussion of various topics because it exemplifies that everyone is human and no one is coming from a place of judgement. We all do things that are contradictory at times or that make us internally say “No.. oh goddammit why did you do that?”

    For example: I am a feminist but, I feel guilty that when I come home from my full time job and make dinner, that the house is not tidy.


    I am a feminist but if I am expecting anyone to step foot into my house even for a moment, I will spend two days furiously cleaning and then act as though it’s always like this and apologize for the dust even though I know there isn’t any.

    EVERY TIME I think this my rational brain reminds me that this is insane and that no one expects this of me except my mother.  (even she admits this would be difficult) My husband is an unapologetic feminist and I am a very lucky woman, his only expectations of me are that I love him with as much ferocity as he loves me.  I can do that.

    I have a theory that my diagnosis of ADHD and the lack of treatment I got is part of the reason I am as empowered as I am. I simply didn’t pay enough attention to what other people were saying or thought of me. It’s hard to tell someone they aren’t allowed to be included if they aren’t listening to you in the first place.


  • The Real Golden Rule.

    As supercilious as I am concerning how people dress and act, I am surprisingly open minded and nonjudgmental concerning how people choose to live their lives. For the most part I believe if you aren’t hurting anyone or yourself  you should do whatever you want. I am a firm believer that you can reduce morality down to one simple rule: Don’t be a dick.



    Don’t be a dick to other, and don’t be a dick to yourself. It’s simple.

    Unfortunately, there are people who feel they are morally obligated to force their beliefs onto others. This is where we start to cross into the danger zone of becoming a Dick With Good Intentions. If you feel that it is necessary to force someone to do something against their will or to deny someone from basic right because you are worried about an esoteric essence  inside them, you have fallen down the slippery slope  and become a DWGI.

    This weekend I watched my best friend from childhood marry her perfect mate. It was the most touching and beautiful wedding I have ever witnessed. I have been to a GAZILLION FREAKING WEDDINGS. This one takes the cake (wedding pun For the Win). You may ask why this one was so special. It was special because it was a wedding between two beautiful women in love, surrounded by their family and friends. These are two intelligent and loving people who want nothing more than to share their life together and build a family.

    As a result of my love of their love, It absolutely pisses me the hell off that there are people who work to deny others the right to be recognized as a married couple. What kind of asshole tells someone else, “No, you can’t marry that person you love because it confuses my neither bits in the NO NO Zone and I don’t like that.” I can not even imagine how heart broken, distraught, and filled with spine breaking RAGE, I would be if someone told me that I could not marry my husband. It is cruel and unnecessary. No one should be able to tell anyone else they can’t marry the person they love. If you don’t want a homosexual marriage, then don’t marry a homosexual. Let them marry each other, everyone is happier that way.

    Inequality deeply frustrates me. I feel empathetically for those who are being denied freedom to do what they want. This is possibly because I am the worst person at taking orders. To the degree that I can’t join group teams or classes because I don’t like being told to show up places routinely at a certain time. If you aren’t paying me, you don’t get to tell me when and where to show up. I do what I want.


    Oddly enough given how opinionated, stubborn and independent I am, I have had several men act shocked when I said something about being a feminist. They usually say something along the lines of “You’re not a feminist, you’re too laid back to be like that and you make jokes…” They earn the eyebrow of sarcasm and scorn for this. I took feminism classes in college and argued with a variety of women on a vast array of topics that some see as un-feminist, but really they are just different schools of thought from different groups of feminists. It’s a shame that so many people (male AND female) seem to think that feminism means you hate men and wish to police all that they do and say; searching from some perceived misogynistic oppression. That is a big bag of NOPE. Sorry, not how it works. Answer this: Do you think women should be paid as much as men for the same exact work? Do you think that women should be allowed to have the exact same rights as men? If you answer yes: Boom feminist. Simple. As a feminist I feel compelled to fight for everyones right to equality and freedom even if it doesn’t directly effect me. Again it boils down to this: Don’t be a Dick. AND DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.


  • The Grizzly has spoken.



    Today the Bear is offering a guest blog! Hear him Rawr.




    Today while catching up on the news I came across an article entitled “Elisabeth Hasselbeck Really Asked This About Feminism.” Knowing her usual penchant for spouting amusingly ignorant comments I clicked on the article. I found not the quick laugh I expected, but instead I found myself becoming increasingly infuriated by what I read. For those who didn’t click the above link, allow me to share the gist of it. Elisabeth’s guest bemoans the fact that due to feminism men have become less manly and the few manly men left are demonized. Elisabeth asks if this lack of manliness is a threat to national security (Because hell, its Fox News, everything can and is a threat to national security if it differs from their core ideology.) He replies that it “absolutely” is a threat because, “wimps and wussies deliver mediocrity, and men win. And what America’s always been about is winning.”

    Shit like this infuriates me.

    I fail to see how respecting women and treating them as equals somehow makes you less “manly.” The goal of feminism is not to somehow turn men into women, if anything its goal is to turn assholes into real men. Real men don’t see the world as a zero sum game where any advancements women achieve must inherently come at a cost to them. They sure as fuck don’t think that a woman’s place is back in the kitchen or that a woman is ever “asking for it”… but that’s a whole other conversation and not what I wanted to dwell on at this time.

    What prompted this blog was my disgust with this falsehood that men are only truly men if they are hyper aggressive and full of machismo.  That if you are not out shooting guns, getting in fights and bedding as many women as possible you are somehow less than a true man. Not one of those things or the hundreds of other stereotypically “manly” activities that are often put forward as tests of machoness has anything to do with what makes someone a man. A man is someone who loves and supports their partner. A man is someone who supports and raises their children. A man is someone who gives people the respect they deserve and thus is respected in turn. A man never needs to prove how much of a man he is. A man does not confuse bravery with bravado or empathy with weakness. A man’s looks, hobbies, physique or sexual orientation is not what makes him a man; that rests in his heart and in his soul.

    I am a man not because I am a 6’2″, barrel chested and have a beard. Not because I drive a truck, can change a tire, and am handy with tools. I am a man because have a wife who I love and respect and who in turn loves me with a fierce protectiveness that burns in her eyes whenever we are together. I am a man because I have a father who moved heaven and earth to be there for his children and who taught me to respect women through the love and respect he gave my mother.  I am a man because my mother is the strongest, kindest person I know and she taught me how to love myself for who I am and how to love others.

    In closing I’ll leave you with this link which does a much better job than I ever could to explain how our society has systematically fucked up generations of young men with the hope that things can change. http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men

    Da Bear. Rawr.