hmm last time I wrote anything in this blog I was in an RV with my husband and two dogs. Good news we made it home alive and I succumbed to my usual bout of distractions and apathy towards this blog. Since that time, I have changed jobs, moved to a house in Sacramento, started working on a very large tattoo, adopted a very large very stubborn puppy, lost one of my dogs to old age, started refinishing some furniture (it’s going terribly) and am attempting to re-learn how to roller skate. so there.. you are updated on my life and you don’t even need to stalk my facebook to know this.
But that’s not why I’m updating today. I am updating today because I think I found a place I feel comfortable and it came from a podcast and facebook group of strangers. I recently (today) started listening to The Guilty Feminist and was moved to join their facebook group. This is relatively unusual because I tend to get very irritated with the triviality and nattering of most facebook groups and they quickly get unliked or muted. In this case I am interested in the diverse commentary and ability to make fun of the silly things that we as women do that contradict our feminist ideals. It’s refreshing to see other women who are willing to acknowledge and discuss issues of inequality.
Every intro to a new episode starts with “I am a feminist but,..” I feel this really helps open up discussion of various topics because it exemplifies that everyone is human and no one is coming from a place of judgement. We all do things that are contradictory at times or that make us internally say “No.. oh goddammit why did you do that?”
For example: I am a feminist but, I feel guilty that when I come home from my full time job and make dinner, that the house is not tidy.
I am a feminist but if I am expecting anyone to step foot into my house even for a moment, I will spend two days furiously cleaning and then act as though it’s always like this and apologize for the dust even though I know there isn’t any.
EVERY TIME I think this my rational brain reminds me that this is insane and that no one expects this of me except my mother. (even she admits this would be difficult) My husband is an unapologetic feminist and I am a very lucky woman, his only expectations of me are that I love him with as much ferocity as he loves me. I can do that.
I have a theory that my diagnosis of ADHD and the lack of treatment I got is part of the reason I am as empowered as I am. I simply didn’t pay enough attention to what other people were saying or thought of me. It’s hard to tell someone they aren’t allowed to be included if they aren’t listening to you in the first place.